Changing

The weather is changing.  The summer scorched flora, left a shriveled shade of brown, has rejuvenated in recent autumn air.  The grass is green again and life seems to have survived just long enough to flourish for a few moments before it begins to rust into the magnificent colors of fall. 

Cooler air has also brought out a swarm of cyclist, buzzing along sidewalks, trails and streets.  I see children riding to school in the mornings, older couples cruising on a sunny afternoon, and weekend warriors finding their cadence in a group.  Their colorful jerseys seem to herald the coming color of fall.  I find myself staring at them all as I pass them in my car.  I probably look like a stalker memorizing every detail of that blonde on a Schwinn, but in all actuality, I’m really just interested in the Schwinn.  I gaze at the glorious geometry of the frame, the rotation of the crank arm, and hold my breath to hear the sound of shifting gears.  The bike and I connect, drawn together by some magnetism.  However, I am quickly overtaken by something else.  Envy.  You see, the grass is not the only thing that has recently turned green.

I cannot seem to control it.  I am overcome by this brute that lashes out at the fact that anyone, seemingly everyone has a bike but me.  I secretly curse the couples on their cruisers.  Do they know what a majestic machine they ride?  I quietly berate children on their Huffy bikes.  Do they realize how fortunate they are?  I even found myself jealous of a little girl with pony tails on a small pink bike with training wheels and grumbled to myself that she probably didn’t even appreciate how cute her pink and white handlebar streamers were, but she should.  

My children have bikes.  They cause me more internal anquish than all the rest.  They are thrust in my face every day, abondoned in the driveway or garage where I park my car.  I am forced to see them, think of them, even touch them as I make way for my vehicle.  I wrap my fingers around the top tube and I feel the pulse of energy within the cold steel.  Speed begs to be unleashed.  It calls for someone to climb aboard and blast off.  But it doesn't call to me.  I drag them into their corner of the garage and turn my back, trying to forget them.  But I can still hear the whimper in my mind.   I promise myself that one day, that empty space on the wall will be filled with my own aluminum animal, purring softly for attention.  Nothing thrills me more to think that some day, I can answer that call, head out into the crisp air, and maybe cause someone else to pause, admire, and even turn a little green.

Lessons

After six long months of unreturned phone calls, threatening letters, and negotiation, I have finally received a check from the moving company for my "lost" bike.  I still secretly check ebay on a weekly basis to see if my old friend shows up for auction.  I have also managed to stay true to my resolution to not eat out for lunch at work anymore.  While my intake of orange chicken has decreased, my intake of real oranges has increase.  Probably a worthwhile trade off.  I find myself reassuring my pleading stomach that this will all be worth it.  I don't think he believes me.  So that, with the $35 dollars I save in cancelling my gym membership result in $85 a month going to my fund.  

I recently taught a course and earned another $300.  I was thrilled!  The next day my family set out on a cross country flight for my sister's wedding.  Less than 24 hours after having $300, baggage fees and car rental fees/insurance ate away at all my profits.  Not a good day morale wise to say the least.  Couple it with the fact that this all went down at about 2 AM in a rental mini-van, kids screaming and my mother giving me less than helpful directions from the back seat to the hotel.  I'd ask, "Where do I need to turn?"  Her response: "Well, when your father and I came, we originally turned left a block before hand, but we discovered an easier way..."  To which I would respond, "That's great, but do I need to turn left here?"  Mom: "There is an entrance coming up and it is a quick way into the hotel parking lot, but there is also another way in...oh yes, that back there is where we turn."  

Needless to say we missed the turn and by then, the kids were not the only ones yelling in the car.  We eventually made it. My wife was mad at me for yelling at my mom and I was still out $300.  Here is what I learned:

1) Nothing good ever happens at 2 AM and I just seem to end up owing everyone an apology even though I'm the one out all the money. 

2) Things never work out the way you plan.  Consider the running total to my bike fund:

+300 -300 :( +85 +300 = $385 and a long ways to go.

3) Patience is a very hard quality to develop.

4) Rental car insurance is the biggest scam!

Solutions

My first instinct to pull together quick cash is to list all my valuables on eBay.  After a quick inventory, I decide that my baseball cards and comic books have not suddenly appreciated beyond worthless.  On to plan B which will probably take longer and be downright agonizing.

Step 1 – Sell out.  After stiff negotiations with the moving company that will remain unnamed, I can sign a release statement that relinquishes my rights to formally complain about their service in any form of media for $300.   I wanted significantly more, but should consider this a victory since they really didn't want to offer more than $90 initially.  While part of me wants to tell them where to shove their money and shout from the rooftops what a lousy company they are, the other part of me really wants a new bike and needs money for it.  Not great.  Not even good, but it's a start.  I decide to take the deal. 

Step 2 – Stop eating.  Actually, stop eating out.  As part of our monthly budget, I get $50 to spend however I would like.  I have yet to accurately calculate how much my wife allots herself monthly.  My gut feel is that it is a little more than my 50.   Once again, don't rock the boat.  Just stay focused.  Generally, my full monthly amount (plus a little extra) goes to funding weekday lunches.  I’ve become a usual at a couple of places across the street from my office.  While Panda Express and Subway will probably miss my patronage, I will not miss the extra calories and I can add $50 a month to my bike fund.

Step 3 – Quit the gym.  I know this sounds counterproductive from my overall goal of getting in better shape, but right now the only exercise I am getting is lugging around my gym lanyard and key card around in my pocket.  Not exactly the "complete package" workout I was promised.  I add another $35 a month to the bike fund by dropping my membership.  It has to be done in person.  Be strong and don't let them talk you into renewing for extra features at a higher price.  Although, I do have to take a moment to bid a certain someone farewell ... So long my sweet sauna.  It was a wonderful affair while it lasted!

Step 4 – Perform a couple of minor medical procedures.  This is not as shady as you might think.  Full disclosure: I work for a medical practice and I legally and ethically perform voice restoration procedures for head and neck cancer patients.  I also teach a course with a colleague training other professionals how to perform this procedure.  This course is offered every other month and we have one scheduled for August and another for October.  I can put part of my earnings from the course into the bike fund.  Hello $$$. 

Step 5 – Talk someone into given me a crazy deal on a bike.  This is where all those hours practicing using “the force” deemed useless by my mother come in handy.  One quick Jedi mind trick on some weak-minded bike salesman and I’m in business.  Once I have the money of course.  Realistically, it will probably be someone working magic for me instead of the other way around.  I’ll probably call my buddy Charles who has serious connections and see what happens. 

If all goes according to plan (like that is going to happen), in a few short (agonizingly long) months, I will be the new owner of a shiny, pedal-less road bike (still have to figure out how to fund accessories like pedals, shoes, sleek outfit, etc).

Also - Congrats to Alexander Vinokourov for taking gold today in the Olympic Road Race.  What a way to finish a career!

My hear goes out to Taylor Phinney.  So close to the podium and a medal.  Still proud of you for 4th! 

Oversight

I might have jumped the gun on launching this site and gearing up for this lifestyle change by overlooking one basic fact: I do not currently own a bike.  The short version as to why is that we recently moved from the East to the Midwest.  I owned a bike when we loaded all of our belongings onto a truck in North Carolina.  When we settled into Indiana and all of our belongings arrived, I was no longer the owner of a bicycle.  It seems that it was “lost” somewhere in between here and there.  I have my suspicions.  More to come on this later. 

There is a silver lining to this misfortune.   My previous ride was a mountain bike and I have reached a stage where I need a road bike to accomplish my cycling goals.  So, instead of having to justify dropping serious cash on a new road bike in addition to maintaining my mountain bike, I can play the sympathy card with my wife for having my old bike stolen.  Um, I mean lost.  So far, it has worked and she is on board with the plan to reinvent, re-energize, and reinvigorate myself.  And why wouldn’t she be? A slimmer, trimmer, more energetic me has benefits for her as well.  I have been informed that there will not be more to come on this later.  

 

Back to the problem at hand:  I have no bike… and no money.   Another small detail overlooked.  After reviewing the family finances I have found the reason that my wife keeps the books.  We have little discretionary money and it seems that anything left over after bills, kids, food, etc is quickly rerouted and used for one of dozens of projects to “beautify” our home.  After deciding that a happy marriage and comfortable home are more important to me than prosecuting my wife for improper use of funds, I realize that I am on my own. 

Inaugural

For years, my wife has tried to convince me to start a blog.  "You could write about your opinions on world issues," she says "your thoughts, your ideas, your stances."  In her opinion, it would be good for me to fling my musings into cyberspace and see what might bounce back.  While I agree that writing itself would benefit me, I do not share her optimistic assumption that anything would echo from my inevitable ranting.  So, for years, I have declined to enter the blogosphere and reassured myself that I would pick my writing back up one of these days when I have some free time.  I always seem to be a day away from starting my great American novel.

The same is true for exercise.  For years, the idea of starting a consistent workout routine has been appealing, but three children quickly consume every second of time that seems available.  I've put off workouts chalking it up to being a "good dad."  However, as I watch my midsection grow and my stamina shrink I can no longer kid myself.  I'm worried about my health and know that I need to change certain habits soon before I reach the point of no return called indifference.

So, as a solution to both my writing and exercise dilemmas, I am dedicating myself to a passion that I have had for a long time, but have had an on again, off again relationship with - bicycling.   Finally, I am taking my wife's advice (imagine that) and start this blog as a way to excite myself, chart my progress and hold myself accountable.  The idea is to get on again and stay in the saddle this time and document the heck out of it.  Oh, it is worth mentioning that I don't currently own a bicycle.  That will need to be at the top of the goal list.

Ok.  Here I go.  I'm back on again (mentally at least) and hopefully I stay this time.